If anything is making you feel so bad that you've thought about suicide, then it's officially a crisis. It was a great move to email someone like us for support, because it's hard to face bullying like that all by yourself. We're sorry this is happening to you. Bullying is miserable.
Your mom may not have given you much advice, because it's really tricky to deal with bullies. A lot of times, it's hard to figure out exactly what step you should take. Lots of parents recommend waiting it out, because some bullies move on pretty quick. If you've been bullied for a while, though, it's probably time to find another tactic.
First, if you don't have to hang around with this girl, don't. She sounds like she's got a nasty attitude, and you might just be inviting trouble if you approach her. Someone who thinks it's okay to trash other people isn't going to change overnight.
Second, stick close to your friends. You know how they say there's power in numbers? It can be kind of true when it comes to bullies. Bullies are cowardly; they go after people they consider vulnerable. If you're by yourself, that's an easy mark.
Third, talking to this bully isn't a bad idea. You said you've tried to stand up for yourself, and that's always difficult to do; you must have a lot of courage and strength, whether you believe it or not. We don't know what it was you said to her, but maybe you could try saying, "Look, I don't know why you have a problem with me, but I don't have a problem with you. Why don't you lay off?" (Make sure you say this when she's in a relatively decent mood and not while she's picking on you.) You can use this tactic when people attack you personally, too, especially about things like your pets and your religion. Say very simply and calmly, "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't talk so mean about my beliefs. I wouldn't do that to you."
Sounds kind of pointless, though, right? You're dealing with twelve-year-olds, and not all of them are as mature as you. There's two reasons to try talking: 1) it might work with some of them. Some bullies don't even realize they're bullying, and some are shamed to stop when you approach them. Also, 2) if you have to go to an adult for help later, you can tell them you've attempted to reason with these kids. Reason isn't working. In fact, if you try talking to these kids, write down when you did it. Then you can show a teacher or your mom, "I tried talking to them on such-and-such date."
Fourth, it feels bad to "tattletale," but you're not really doing that when you go to an adult for help with bullies. You're not tattling. You're asking for help dealing with kids who are hurting you. Bullying can really mess with kids, as you're feeling right now. It's making you feel like killing yourself. These kids need an authority figure to straighten them out, because if they're hurting you, they're probably going to hurt others. Also, they're well on their way to getting fired from a job or sued later in life if someone doesn't explain how wrong it is to bully someone based on their religion!
Are you going to be safe tonight? Do you have any plans to kill yourself? If you feel like you might hurt yourself, can you call us before you do anything? 1-800-448-3000 (24/7.) Don't take any chances with your safety.
Email us back so we know you're safe. We're worried about you.