We're so sorry to hear that you're lamenting the end of a relationship that was also pretty abusive. Those are two rough things to have to come to terms with. However, you sound like you've turned a bad thing into a good opportunity! That's very awesome, and it speaks volumes about your wisdom.
When it comes to the effects that something like emotional abuse has on a growing child, this might be out of our league. The effects differ based on the abuse and on the individual who was being abused. It gets even more complicated when you try to find out how that abuse is affecting your current relationships.
However, just because we don't know exactly what the answer is doesn't mean there is no answer. Here's two things we recommend:
1) Talk to your mother about this. Ask her if she'd let you talk to a counselor or psychologist. The future of your romantic relationships is very important! You obviously don't want to keep going out with boys who treat you badly, so a few sessions with a counselor isn't a bad idea.
2) Journal! Like we mentioned above, this is a complicated matter that's full of thoughts, feelings, and memories. Try to write about this matter at least once. Write down all your current thoughts -- everything that's in your head when it comes to this topic. Then, keep adding to it as you think up (or feel) more. Not only will that help you make sense of things, but it's a document you can take to a professional if you ever decide to see one.
We hope this helped a bit. If you end up in another relationship that's troubling you, we're always here, okay? Email us with any concerns!