Thanks for emailing us. It sounds like you're in a jam right now while you're trying to figure out how to best help your boyfriend. When he said "he wishes it would just end," it sounds like you're taking that as a somewhat suicidal statement. That's how it sounds to us, but it's hard to tell without asking follow-up questions. Until we can be sure what he means by things like that, his safety is on the line, isn't it? It was a very good idea to get someone else involved in this!
Here's what's so frustrating about your situation: you are fifteen, and we're assuming he's around that age, too. One "minor" can't do much for another, can they? It takes an adult to really make things happen, so you're stuck trying to help your boyfriend with very few resources. You can't take him to a psychologist or a support group, you can't help him find his own apartment so he can move out, you can't give his mom and/or her boyfriend a stern talking-to. You're just... stuck. Watching everything unfold.
So if you can't do any of those things, you need to focus on what you CAN do. Here's some things you can do:
1) Get an adult involved. Here's a sub-list of some good ones:
- Your parents: Ask them for advice on what to do. Parents are pretty resourceful.
- School counselor: If you and your boyfriend go to the same school, ask him to go to the school counselor. You can go with him if he wants support. You can also talk to the counselor on your own and ask for help. Or, you can be sneaky and leave an anonymous note for the counselor, asking her to touch base with your boyfriend about problems at home. Some kids have done that and seen some success. If you guys don't go to the same school, go to your counselor and ask if they'd be willing to speak to his counselor at his school.
- Child Protective Services (or CPS: ) If your boyfriend's mother is smoking weed at home with her son present, you could report this to your local CPS. Since you gave us your city and state, we looked up the information you'd need to make a report: Mille Lacs County Family Services, 320-983-8208 (or Sherburne County Social Services 763-241-2600, depending on which county you fall in.) Your boyfriend can call and make the report, or you can make the report -- even anonymously.
- YourLifeYourVoice.org/Boys Town: Ask your boyfriend to contact us, either through the website or by calling the hotline (1-800-448-3000, 24/7.) You can even call with him if you'd like. We'd be happy to talk to him and help him find ways to cope with what he's experiencing at home.
2) Ask questions about his safety whenever you're concerned. This is what we do at the hotline, and while it's definitely preferable to have a crisis counselor assess lethality, you can ask him questions, too. Asking a suicidal person about suicide isn't going to make them more suicidal. So, for instance, if your boyfriend says, "I hate going home. Maybe one of these days I'll go to bed and never wake up." That could be his way of saying, "I hope I die," or, "I hope the world ends." Those two things aren't necessarily suicidal (although not particularly cheerful to say the least.) But it could also be his way of hinting that he's going to overdose or something like that. If you're concerned, and he's about to go home for the rest of the night, ASK him what he means. Ask him if he's going to be safe. It's way better to ask these questions and get him help rather than staying up worrying all night.
3) Just keep being an awesome girlfriend. That is the number one most important role you can play. You can't be a good mother to him, you can't be a psychologist, you can't be a social worker. That's why you go to adults; you get those professionals involved to do the things you can't do. YOU want to go to the movies with him, hold his hand, celebrate Valentine's Day, peck his cheek, and all those other girlfriend things. You're playing an incredibly important role.
We hope this helped a bit. If you have questions, give us a call. We'd be more than happy to talk. You're doing a great job by looking for help for your boyfriend.