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Edited: 5/19/2010 2:17 PM
Thank you for reaching out to our Hotline.  When you make a list of the pros and cons of staying in this relationship, it sounds like there are many more reasons for you to leave than to stay.  Everything you mentioned about him and how he treats you is unhealthy.  Healthy relationships have mutual respect, they are trusting, and they are not abusive. 

You are not obligated to stay with an abuser!  By staying with him, it gives un unspoken message to your children that mommies are supposed to put up with daddies who hurt them.   Prolonged exposure to this will negatively affect your children.  And by staying with him, you are putting yourself and your children at risk for more abuse and harm.

You can not change his behaviors.  He continues to make poor choices and continues to drink while on probation.  But you can make a better life for yourself and your children.  You deserve a better life, and so do your children!  

There are resources available to help women in situations like yours.  Once you make the decision to break away and get help for yourself and your kids, he will have to make the choice to get help for himself or stay doing what he is doing.  If he truly loves you and wants to make the relationship work, he will accept responsibility for his actions and seek treatment for his anger and addictions. 

Please reach out again, by e-mail or you can give our Hotline a call and speak with a caring counselor.  We can help you find a way to make changes in your life which will keep you and your children safe and help you find peace.   We are here 24/7 so please write back or call as soon as you can.  You don't have to go through this alone! 

Take care and hope to hear from you soon,
Cynthia, Counselor
Edited: 5/19/2010 2:18 PM
Abuse From The Father Of My Children
Me and my boyfriend have been together off and on for about 6 years and it has been a real roller coaster. We have two kids togehter and I feel like I am a kid. He treats me bad. He has me to the point to where I am scared of him most of the time. He has put his hands on me and called me countless names and I stayed with him. I kind of feel like Im obligated to stay with him because of our kids and I know in my mind that thats not right. I want to stay with him but it feels like I keep hoping that hes gonna change and he doesnt. I really do love him regardless of all the things that hes done to me. He also has a problem with drinking but he doesnt think so. He even is on probation for it and has to take breathalizers and is required to go to AA meetings and MADD meetings but hasnt done so yet. I cannot deal with these problems because when he comes home its a fight. I am really stressed about my whole life and situation because I never thought I would be where I am at in my life.